I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
