Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
