Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
