It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
