All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
