John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
