Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
