btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
