Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
