i'm signing you up for texting rehab
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
