it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
