New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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