On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
