So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
