I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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