You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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