new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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