I accidentally had phone sex last night
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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