Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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