What a fucking waste of an outfit
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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