That's intense
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
