she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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