No stitches, just platelets and will power
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
