okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize