ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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