he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
