i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So apparently I’m into choking now
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