It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
