i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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