the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
