help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
