$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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