He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
