I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
