The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
