first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
