He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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