we have pet lesbian snakes
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
