i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
