my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
