There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize