ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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