You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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