do herpes really smell.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
