bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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