Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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