Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize