everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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