You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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