It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
