thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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