I am in a vortex of obligation.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
