just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
