I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
try to milk me bitch
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