i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
