Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
