Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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