turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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