Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
