I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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