My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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