i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
