just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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