I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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