god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to walk on stilts...naked
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Rumble strips road head = magical
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
