Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
