i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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