I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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