your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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