Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
