So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
