she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
