i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
