I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
