Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
